Yes! You had sex last night!
Now, it’s time to talk about it. It won’t spoil the mood. Why? Because sex doesn’t happen in a vacuum: what happens outside the bedroom affects what happens in the bedroom, and to have a great sex life you have to have the sort of relationship that supports great sex.
In a recent Good in Bed Survey of over 5,000 people, feeling connected to one’s partner and having confidence in oneself were the factors reported to be the most likely to contribute to having an orgasm.
Start talking with today’s intimacy assignment.
Stay positively in love
Much of what makes great relationships thrive happens outside of the bedroom.
In fact, studies show that most successful marriages have a high ratio of positive to negative interactions. Experts believe you should have five positive interactions (like hugging, holding hands or having great conversations) for every one negative one (like nagging or bickering).
Don’t go through life tallying every interaction, but consider whether you’re in a positive or negative zone and use this tool to swing back in the right direction.
Catalog the connections you make with your partner outside the bedroom. Do you hold hands while walking? Lean into each other as you watch the news or your favorite show? Cook meals together or clean together afterward?
Keep an eye on whether your relationship fulfills you out of bed, and you’ll be more likely to want to get into bed together.
Welcome to the challenge
Sex is like food – we need variety to keep us interested and healthy. Imagine a sex-life pyramid containing 4 sex groups:
Sex that engages our senses
Sex for the sake of feeling good
Fantasy sex that flexes our mind muscles.
It is my philosophy that you should regularly be tapping into each of these groups for a healthy, balanced sex life. This idea will guide our program – each day’s assignment will draw from a different group, with the goal of giving you healthier, hotter and more frequent sex.
Of course, giving your relationship a boost takes time, and it takes two. Tell your partner that you’ve signed up for this Challenge, explain that you might have some new tricks up your sleeve this month, and certainly, ask your honey to sign up too! Also, set aside an hour each day to focus on your assignments.
Worried you can’t make time for sex, like so many other women who answered our survey?
Follow these four easy steps:
1. Turn off the TV.
2. Close the computer.
3. Step away from the phone.
4. Turn and face your partner!
Ahhh, there you are.
Now close your eyes, take a deep breath, and just do it – have sex, make love, get it on, whatever you do, do it tonight!
Get hotter with one conversation
Talking about sex isn’t always easy – I know. My professional journey grew out of my own personal roadblocks and talking about them was a huge step.
Relationships can manifest dysfunctional patterns in the same way physical dysfunction can inhibit happy endings. The best medicine to overcoming an issue is talking about it – because not talking about it gets you nowhere.
Tell your partner what you need from him or her, what you’re willing to give, and what you hope to learn from this Challenge. Or, begin to open up about intimacy issues you’d like to resolve.
Begin the conversation by taking turns telling your partner:
3. of your favorite things about the sex you have together.
2. reasons why you signed up for this Challenge.
1. sexual fantasy you’re curious to try.